Making Time for Things that Matter Most

I've been struggling lately with the overwhelming guilt that comes along with being a good stay-at-home mom and the pressure (self-induced, of course) of keeping a perfect home. While one might assume the guilt is usually with working moms, let me assure you we have it too. I'm constantly finding myself telling my son that I'll play transformers or monster trucks with him after I get the dishes done, or after mommy gets dinner prepped. But the reality is, I've ALWAYS got something to do around the house.

Embarrassingly enough, I remember asking my best friend what she did all day when she was a new stay-at-home mom and I was still childless and in the workforce.(gasp! Sorry Kim!) First, I can't believe I was actually ignorant enough at one point to say that, and second, now I know how stay-at-home moms are pulled in so many directions. But occassionally I need to remind myself that my "job" is my children. To love them and challenge them and teach them the oh so many things that they need to know in order to be respectful, well-rounded and loving adults. It's quite easy to get caught up in the day to day "chores" of life that need tending to and push off just a few moments longer that request to play with them, while the pile of clean, yet unfolded laundry stares you in the face.

So, in my attempt to battle this guilt and take one more step in becoming a well planned woman, I've made mommy play dates on my calendar. Not with other kids, not with other mommies. Just me and my kids. I'm setting aside time every day to do things I know my kids love to do with me. I asked my three (almost four) year old son (my daughter can't yet talk now, but she'll have her turn too) what his favorite things to do with mommy were. We came up with a list of something to do every day that will put a smile on both of our faces. His because he's got my 100% attention and we're doing something he loves and mine because I feel good about focusing on him and making him happy while doing it. This picture is my son having a blast painting about a month ago. Now I'll get to see this big painty-face grin every week.  The iPhone (and addicting instant access to email) is away. The computer is away. The To Do list is away. Magazines or anything else that distracts me is away. Game on.

Here's what we came up with...

• Monday: Playdough Playdate
  
• Tuesday: Pretend Play Playdate (usually Transformers)
• Wednesday: Painting Playdate
  
• Thursday: Glue crafts & Cutting Playdate
  
• Friday: Puzzles Playdate
  

Each day our schedule forces us to do these at different times, but typically it's in the afternoon while my daughter naps. Soon enough, she'll be joining us; but for now she'd just eat the playdough, paints, paper, puzzle pieces, etc. While she can't do what her big brother does, I have also been trying to consciously spend more one-on-one time with her to teach her all those things I had unlimited time to teach my son at her age as an only child.

I'm sure many of you working women can relate to this too - you have your own struggles, some of which are very similar to many of us SAHM's. I'd love to hear from some of you working moms to let us know what you struggle with and any tips you've discovered that help you along. We can all learn from each other. If you can relate to any of this, give these mommy play dates a try or post a message so we know we're not alone on this journey.

Attn: Mommies! A Fabulous New Behavior Chart for Kids

As the mom of a three year old, I'm constantly challenged with how to make sure I raise a child that has good behavior on a regular basis and understands that rewards are earned, not expected. I've done sticker charts in the past with decent success, however, I always provided stickers every time he said please or thank you or went potty on his own (they learn very early how to manipulate the system). I found that we'd be traveling to Target for the newest Transformer far too often.


I'd like to think that at some point I'll be able to transition from rewarding my child for good behavior to just expecting it without reward (well, maybe just a hug or a pat on the back), but for now I was trilled to find this new online kids chart that encourages good behavior with a fabulous graphic interface, customizable chores or behaviors and a "moolah piggy bank" account where they can take a debit from points earned and put them toward a reward that you customize (thus teaching the concept of money). It allows you to provide a "moolah point" for each item each day (not 12 in one day for saying please 12 times!) and keeps track of it throughout the week. This encourages that behavior throughout the day in order to get the point. I think this concept is pretty cool and while teaching a child responsibility is a long process, this is a good start.

One might say it's tough to use an online chart with a young child, and we'll see, but I have a feeling it will be a treat to my son at the end of the day for the two of us to jump on Mommy's laptop, pull up his chart and give him kudos for all his hard work throughout the day. If not, the chart is always printable.

Check out the beta site at http://www.goalforit.com/landing/chore-charts.html. They also have a section for setting, tracking and motivating for regular adult goals, which I plan on checking out and writing about if post-worthy. But for now I had to get the word out about this great kids chart. Oh, and the best part...it's FREE!

Let me know what you think and if you have any success with it (or any other similar chart/program) by posting a comment!